The Couch

     So, as I may have alluded to on moving day, we could not fit the couch that Traci's parents were kind enough to donate to us.  Our home, unlike many in the United States, is not blessed with a patio door.  There are two regular doors, but being an older house one is thirty inches wide, and one is thirty-one.  Modern doors are usually 36" wide for your reference.  Anyway, when Jim was around on moving day he measured that the couch was 36" wide no matter how you twisted, torqued, or rammed it.  And believe me, on moving day we did it every way that we could.  So for the last week our garage has had a really nice couch occupying a portion of it.
     I was determined that I would get the couch into the house somehow today.  I had whittled my options down to two a.) take the couch apart and b.) take apart the door.  I began the day feeling pretty good about option number one, and it was my preferred option.  I wanted this option because Friday night I was talking to Traci's brother Joe, and he was talking about how his couch had velcro on the back of the fabric that allowed the delivery guys to take it apart when they moved it into his house.  His reasoning was that couch manufacturers had to have some sort of way of getting their furniture into older houses with narrower doors, so most of them had to have some sort of contingency plan built in so that they could come apart.  That made a lot of sense to me, and I was hopeful when I walked out into the garage at around noontime.
     I began by flipping the couch down on its front, on some moving blankets because the floor was dirty, and pulling staples that held on the dust cover on the bottom.  I figured that this was the best place to start because if something were to go awry, no one would probably see it because, you know, it's on the bottom.  So I began to remove staples slowly and really didn't get anywhere because there was this problematic leg that I couldn't get off.  No matter what I tried it would not unscrew, and eventually I found out that it was because they are not screw on legs.  They sort of pry out somehow.  So I pried all four legs off - with some limited collateral damage to the legs themselves but again, they are on the bottom - and then I was in business.  I was able to open enough on the cover to see the inside.

My exploration hole, complete with some of the tools of my trade for the day.

     So once I had the corner of the couch opened up and I could get a good look inside, it became painfully obvious that there was no way to take the couch apart without a Sawzall, or maybe a lumberjack's axe.  There were no bolts or anything that one could even begin with.  So I guess it was on the Plan B. 
     So I went to the door, and to be honest I had absolutely no confidence in myself.  This is what I was facing:

This is the door what would be on the operating table on Couch Day.

I know that it seems simple enough, but you have to understand something about me.  First of all - as Mike always says - everything I touch turns to shit.  And what he means but that is not so much that I destroy everything, but I usually get whatever I am trying to get done, done, but it usually doesn't go right.  Either everything gets messed up along the way, or they just don't turn out tight.  For example, let's say that I stop to help you change the tire on your car.  I would be able to get the tire off, and the spare on, but I probably will have broken the hubcap when I was taking it off and now it won't go on.  Get it?  So that was running through my mind as I prepared to start stripping the layers of moulding off my door.  Plus, I knew that I had enough tools that I would be able to do this project, but I still knew that they weren't the right tools.  So I knew I could do it but I wasn't sure if it would turn out right.
    I began at the top layer, because I didn't know what else to do.  I began by taking off the screen door because that was on the top layer and it seemed like the easiest place to start.  I mean, it was pretty straight forward - only a couple dozen screws and it was off.  I put it on the side of the house. Then I took off the moulding that was around the door, and I was a little surprised.  It was a lot thicker and attached with a lot of pretty heavy-duty nails.  But I got it off and what I found was a little astounding.
     What I found was one of those pre-hung door sets sitting in a big hole that had been cut into the house.  There was really no framing around it, and as I poked around I discovered that the only thing that was keeping the door set - door and frame - in place was the moulding and the footboard.  I couldn't believe it.  There was no other trim to take off, so I just took the whole door out and set it aside.  Let me show you:

This is what I took out of the house.  Just a pre-fab door set with sill plate still attached.

The ragged opening from the outside.  Notice all the insulation just hanging there that was stuffed in the cracks.

Looking out from the inside at the same hole.

    So it was off, the whole door and all its assembly was just gone and there was a giant rectangular hole in the wall.  You could see all the materials that were used to make the house, which was sort of cool, and you could see a piece of what used to be because under the paneling (which is awful in its own right) is a truly awful sort of drywall or something.

Imagine having to look at that business every day of your life.

And I was just a little disturbed to see what was under the sill plate at the bottom of the door.

I am pretty sure that is not good, but I decided to just leave it be.  I mean, it's been working okay all this time so far, right?

     I whipped out my tape measure, just to be sure, and I knew we were golden.  I had measured the couch at 32" at the widest part with the legs off (not including the cushions, which could be sort of smushed down to fit) and I knew that I was only needing one inch to fit through the door.  We had like 34" when the door was all taken apart so I knew it would be golden.  And other than navigating some wet and a little ice and having to haul the couch up over the fence, it went smooth.  And the couch went into the house.  Traci and I made a deal that when it came out it would be in pieces.

Notice the couch inside the house - where it will be forever more.

    So all that was left was to put everything together again, and I am not going to bore you with a lot of pictures of that process.  But I will admit that it didn't all go super smoothly.  First of all, I started putting the moulding on the inside in the wrong order.  I should have done the sides first, but I tried to start with the top.  Once I got that squared away though I was good.  On the outside I did it wrong again.  I should have done the top first, and then the sides, so I had a lot of trouble getting the top piece to fit like it should.  I also had some trouble because all the nails on the outside had to be pounded out through the wood, which broke a lot of the wood around the nails.  There was also a little collateral damage from when I had to remove the moulding with the wrong tools. 

You can see some of the paint and wood damage in this photo.

Some of this damage occurred when I removed the moulding, some of it occurred when I had to remove the nails from the moulding, and some of it occurred during re-installation.  It is sort of a potpourri of damage here.

 In the end, however, the damage was nothing that a little wood putty and a coat of paint won't be able to conceal, and since we are planning on painting the house and trim in the spring or early summer, it is no big deal.  It looks hooker good - good from twenty yards away but a little rough up close - and for now that is good enough for me.  Here is a shot from said 20 yards afterward.

The after photo.  Looks a lot like the one above, except it is much darker so you can tell it is later in the afternoon.

     In the end I am pretty happy, because it went a lot better than I was expecting things to do, especially knowing me.  And to me the small amount of damage that occurred is acceptable and will be fixed without too much trouble at some time.  And most importantly, the couch is in the house.  And boy does it feel good to lie on.  Until next time, take care.